Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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