This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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