she smelled like a LAN party
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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