What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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