I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
