I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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