I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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