I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
