got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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