I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
