I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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