My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
