do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
