speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
