Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
