I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
