Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize