Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
