just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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