I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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