Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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