decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
