So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
