Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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