Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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