I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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