what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
