Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
