yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
