Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
