Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
