i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't deserve a penis
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
