he wants to bone in the snuggie
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
