Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
