Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
