my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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