did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
