I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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