just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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