she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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