I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
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Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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