I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
