Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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