nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
