How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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