I love black thongs
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
