Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
