I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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