im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
