So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
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Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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