The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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