My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
