so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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