I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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