I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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