Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
