sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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