Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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