Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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