I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
