i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
