Swine flu. Run for my life!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
