is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
