he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
