respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
