haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
