we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So apparently I’m into choking now
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
