using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
