i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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