I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
